How not knowing how to drive makes me depressed

I am 23-years-old (almost 24 *ahhh*) and I do not know how to drive.

I can’t exactly explain why I still don’t have my license – I’ve had my permit a handful of times. But each time, the months go by and I just haven’t had a teacher stick with me long enough to get comfortable behind the wheel.

My mom attempted to teach me but she made me feel absolutely worthless for asking questions about things I didn’t know that I couldn’t go back to her teaching.

I’ve had some friends and boyfriends try to teach me, but they all never went further than one lesson in the car because they were impatient with my timidness.

Of course I’m to blame as well – I’m scared. I’m not sure of what, but I am scared.

And so here I am, an adult that doesn’t have reliable transportation.

I can’t tell you the amount of negative effects this has on my life – on my friendships, relationships, job opportunities and mental health.

When I was living in Phoenix, a large metropolitan city with a decent public transportation system, I managed pretty well on my own getting around. But now that I’m back in Tucson, a small city that is somehow so spread apart, my mobility is extremely limited and so is my independence.

Not being able to drive keeps me isolated and limits what I’m able to do. Everyone who knows judges me and I am a burden to them. Hanging out with friends becomes a source of anxiety instead of joy because I worry about inconveniencing them.

It’s become so crippling to me, one of my main sources of anxiety. And yet here I sit, week after week swearing that this is the week I am going to take the permit test… and yet I don’t.

So here is my motivation, a public post stating my intensions of ending this basically self-inflicted torture.

A few years ago I wasn’t so alone, I had a handful of friends who also didn’t know how to drive. Hell, I’ve even noted a couple of famous people who can’t (or at least until recently couldn’t) drive as a sort of validation for my own lack of knowledge; British vlogger Alfie Deyes, musician Lady Gaga and Rooster Teeth employee Gavin Free. But one by one they’ve all made the leap until now I can only think of two other people I know in my same position.

It’s time for me to get over my fears and make a change. This is something that I know will go towards making me a happier and healthier person. So it’s time to stop the excuses and do it.

~ Kayla

Related: Mental Illness and Driving: What’s The Connection?

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