The Depression Report: small victories

Last week was… a good one.

No big breakdowns, no terrible stretches of uncontrollable crying, not too much time spent lingering on my mistakes and failures.

I took a major step last Friday towards getting my life back on track. Went to the DMV (which had a surprisingly short wait) and got my driving permit.

I’ll admit that while I was taking the permit test, my heart was racing and I had doubts that I would be able to do it. But once I passed (with only three missed questions) I felt such a relief and such a burden lifted from my shoulders.

Of course that was only to be replaced by the fear of, you know, actually driving a car.

But out of the pan and into the fire I went and immediately went around driving for a bit. I don’t think I was ever more nervous or tense getting into a car, but after the half hour of practice, I felt so good about myself for overcoming one of my fears.

This beat up, annotated manual is one I have had for years. Before it represented all the times that I have tried and failed to overcome my fears, only to succumb to the hardest parts. Now it stands as a symbol for my strength and resilience, as a reminder that yes, I can grit my teeth and overcome my fears and do the hard thing.

I’m hoping to remember that and remember the feeling of accomplishment I had on Friday afternoon to push myself further every day to do better and work harder.

This is my third Depression Report. And things are looking good.

~ Kayla

Related: HOW NOT KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE MAKES ME DEPRESSED

Related: MENTAL ILLNESS AND DRIVING: WHAT’S THE CONNECTION? 

Mental illness and driving: what’s the connection?

Does driving impact mental health?

Yes, it seems likely that there is a connection.

A 2016 study by Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health examined how not having the ability to drive affected U.S. adults aged 55 and older.

The study found that losing the ability to drive “nearly doubled the risk of depressive symptoms.”

“For many older adults, driving is more than a privilege; it is instrumental to their daily living and is a strong indicator of self-control, personal freedom, and independence,” Dr. Guohua Li, Mailman School professor of Epidemiology and senior author said in a statement on the university’s website.

This study presents a connection between what the loss of driving and what it represents (independence and personal freedom) to experiencing depression.

Should mental health be considered when handing out licenses?

I stumbled across an article from the Houston Chronicle published in 2014 about mental health questions being on driver’s license tests. And this brought up an interesting subject: should restrictions be placed on people who have certain mental illnesses when it comes to driving?

It’s a pretty common sense idea that you shouldn’t drive if you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state. In fact, my driver license manual states:

“You cannot drive well if you are angry, excited, worried or depressed.”

Allowing your emotions to cloud your judgement can lead to making mistakes while driving.

But does having a mental illness present enough of a danger to deny someone their license?

In 2015, that same Texas law initially denied a teen her license after she disclosed that she had been diagnosed with depression and was taking medication.

Questions about mental health are on the application for licenses in several states and have been for years. But many view them as antiquated and ineffective, as well as adding to the stigma associated with mental illness.

According to the Arizona Center for Disability Law (the state that I’m from), even a person with a serious mental illness has a right to have a driver’s license (unless you are under guardianship).

Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to recognize when they are not in the best mental state and are not safe to drive.

RELATED: How not knowing how to drive makes me depressed

How not knowing how to drive makes me depressed

I am 23-years-old (almost 24 *ahhh*) and I do not know how to drive.

I can’t exactly explain why I still don’t have my license – I’ve had my permit a handful of times. But each time, the months go by and I just haven’t had a teacher stick with me long enough to get comfortable behind the wheel.

My mom attempted to teach me but she made me feel absolutely worthless for asking questions about things I didn’t know that I couldn’t go back to her teaching.

I’ve had some friends and boyfriends try to teach me, but they all never went further than one lesson in the car because they were impatient with my timidness.

Of course I’m to blame as well – I’m scared. I’m not sure of what, but I am scared.

And so here I am, an adult that doesn’t have reliable transportation.

I can’t tell you the amount of negative effects this has on my life – on my friendships, relationships, job opportunities and mental health.

When I was living in Phoenix, a large metropolitan city with a decent public transportation system, I managed pretty well on my own getting around. But now that I’m back in Tucson, a small city that is somehow so spread apart, my mobility is extremely limited and so is my independence.

Not being able to drive keeps me isolated and limits what I’m able to do. Everyone who knows judges me and I am a burden to them. Hanging out with friends becomes a source of anxiety instead of joy because I worry about inconveniencing them.

It’s become so crippling to me, one of my main sources of anxiety. And yet here I sit, week after week swearing that this is the week I am going to take the permit test… and yet I don’t.

So here is my motivation, a public post stating my intensions of ending this basically self-inflicted torture.

A few years ago I wasn’t so alone, I had a handful of friends who also didn’t know how to drive. Hell, I’ve even noted a couple of famous people who can’t (or at least until recently couldn’t) drive as a sort of validation for my own lack of knowledge; British vlogger Alfie Deyes, musician Lady Gaga and Rooster Teeth employee Gavin Free. But one by one they’ve all made the leap until now I can only think of two other people I know in my same position.

It’s time for me to get over my fears and make a change. This is something that I know will go towards making me a happier and healthier person. So it’s time to stop the excuses and do it.

~ Kayla

Related: Mental Illness and Driving: What’s The Connection?